10 New Potential Suitors for Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler

When Amy Poehler and Will Arnett announced their divorce a few years ago after a decade of marriage, the world was devastated. If these two hilariously funny people could not make marriage and parenting two small boys work, who could? It’s been a few years now, and we’ve all gotten over it, especially Amy Poehler, who was dating someone else seriously for a few years. Now that her most recent relationship has ended, however, we just want to say that we are rooting for her to wind up with another man. Perhaps this time she might end up with a man of our choosing; because we think that we have something here. Really, we think that we could be matchmakers with these primo choices.

Prince Harry

Prince Harry

Why not? I mean, sure, she is just a little bit older than he might be, but that does not mean that Prince Harry and Amy Poehler would not make the most hilarious couple that ever lived. We mean that literally. She cracks us up, he cracks us up; why can’t they be together? I can only imagine family dinners with Amy Poehler and the Queen of England, and now I want to get a ticket to that dinner more than any other dinner in the entire history of the world.

Michael B Jordan

Michael B. Jordan

He’s young, he’s handsome and he’s the newest “It” man in Hollywood, which makes him perfect for It girl Amy Poehler. We only hope he can get along with the fact that she and Tina Fey do pretty much everything work-wise together, and we hope he’s not the jealous type. We think that they are the number one couple ever to live, if only they’d become lesbians and make us all happy.

Zac Efron

Zac Efron

He’s so much younger than the men that Amy Poehler usually dates, and we think he’s more like her kids’ age than hers. That’s what makes it fun. They seem like the kind of couple that would roll up in the Bentley, big glasses and their coolest clothes on and make the entire party heat up in an instant. I don’t know if there is any long-term hope for romance here, but there’s certainly some fun to be had with these two.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio

With as many nominations as awards as Leonardo DiCaprio and Amy Poehler have, they could create a trophy room in their combined home and sit home on long nights just counting their awards and naming all the people that they are way better than in Hollywood. It’s time for him to settle down and raise a family, and we think one that’s already sort of made for him would work. They could go on a cruise for their honeymoon and reenact his famous scene at the front of the ship from “Titanic,” and just make us all swoon.

Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper

He’s funny, she’s funny; they’re funny. He always strikes us as a little bit strange, and we get the vibe that perhaps Amy Poehler might like that. Perhaps it would become a bit of a challenge for her. How can she make the Hangover guy a little less strange and a little bit cooler so that he might fit in with her and her crowd on the regular?

Harry Styles

Harry Styles

Okay, so I have to be completely honest with you here. I do not find the attraction here. I cannot see it; I just can’t. I cannot see anything about this young man that is not creepy and strange. The hair, the clothes, his face; it’s all wrong in a way that I hope my own daughters never bring home (we want them to have a clean cut, preppy young man like their daddy). I don’t get it. On that note, while I see no long-term relationship status here with Amy Poehler, I do think she could get him to cut his hair and put on some jeans that are not cutting off his circulation, and that would be worth it.

Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow

Love me some Tim Tebow. A born and raised Florida girl, I never missed a game. However, he needs to get rid of the young beauty queens and go for someone a bit more mature, a bit more hilarious and someone who can handle the fact that he is constantly chastised in the press. We think that she can do it, and we think that she might have a little bit too much fun doing it, if you know what we’re saying.

Jack Nicholson

Jack Nicholson

He’s old and creepy, and we think that Amy Poehler is just the woman to make him quit the creepy. We think her quick wit and her raised eyebrows might whip him into the shape he needed to be in several years ago, and that might make the world a far better place.

Shaq

Shaq

Is he even single and eligible to be the next Mr. Amy Poehler? I’m not even certain, but I love it. He’s tall, she’s not, they’re both funny and just seeing them together makes me giggle. I think that they would be the couple that everyone would want to invite over for dinner. I really think that they could be ‘those’ people and ‘that’ couple. Let’s see if we can make this happen, because, honestly; it’s the best idea.

Matthew Perry

Matthew Perry

He’s one of our favorite friends, even if he has struggled with some substance abuse issues in the past. He’s just neurotic enough to make a relationship with Amy Poehler so interesting that we cannot wait to read about it in line at the supermarket. They’re a couple we think might be really cute together, and we think that they’d be good for one another. If people saw him as funny again, he might be able to get his career going, and she might be able the say she helped out everyone’s favorite friends. Also, having her at the Friends reunion we hope someday happens would make us so happy.

Photos by Getty Images

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