Ryan Cabrera; now that’s a name we haven’t heard much in the past decade or so. He was an up-and-coming hit singer back when I was either ending high school and beginning college or something like that. Really, I’m thinking BK – definitely before kids. I’m pretty sure it was when my husband and I were planning our wedding that he and Ashlee Simpson might have been a thing. Either way, he sort of fell off the face of the earth only to come back as a faux boyfriend for Audrina Patridge on reality television – how you know your career did not take off – and suddenly he’s back again. He looks exactly the same in an older version and now he’s a really good friend of Avril Lavigne. They’re like besties who cuddle and make out and pretty much date but not officially.
I mean, it’s been 15 years since I was a single lady (of 17) but I’m fairly positive they call that friends with benefits. Whatever it is, it’s all over the news right now. Since we’re having a hard time remembering much about Ryan Cabrera these days and now he’s everywhere, we wanted to give you a refresher on the former up-and-coming but kind-of didn’t make it rocker.
He’s a huge Ryan Gosling fan
Ryan Cabrera has a tattoo of Ryan Gosling’s face on his leg – seriously. He would say he’s a fan of the actor, but he’s not a big enough fan to get a tattoo of his face. He simply lost a game of tattoo roulette and that was the deal. I think that this is a game that maybe shouldn’t exist, am I right?
He likes famous girls
We know that Ryan Cabrera stated that his relationship with reality star Audrina Patridge was not real, rather it was scripted for the television series; but they still fake dated and made out. That counts, right? He’s also spent time dating the likes of Ashlee Simpson, and then he dated Riley Keough. In case you don’t know who she is, she’s the daughter of Lisa Marie Presley. He likes the ladies young and pretty, and who can blame him?
He’s an excellent painter
Sometime a few years ago Ryan Cabrera was in Hawaii just having a relaxing vacation when he picked up a paint brush. He’s actually very talented and now he paints faces and portraits that are quite good. We would even venture to say he has real talent and he should focus on that rather than music.
He tried to make a comeback in 2014
I don’t know if he made it back or not after that, but since I’m wondering I feel as if I might have answered my own question. For real, though; he signed with Dynamite Music and he was slated to release a new hit and an EP that year, but I have no actual idea if that worked out for him. Too bad, though, because he did have some serious potential.
He’s a former Chick-fil-A employee
Now, that’s something to brag about. We love the good people at Chick-fil-A. Except on Sundays when all we want is that chicken that might have something illegal in it to make it so good and it’s not open. Let’s talk about that one for a moment, shall we?
He’s in with the Simpson family
I think we can all state with certainty that there is no person in the world who is as potentially creepy as Joe Simpson and his need to be the manager of both his daughter’s (Jessica and Ashlee) and he also manages Ryan Cabrera. I’m going to go out on a little bit of a limb here and mention that he might not be the best musical manager as not one of them has a successful musical career in over a decade. Jessica simply has a great sense of fashion and business and she made it on her own.
He sits in the shower
Listen, I can’t even…I’m shuddering and dying a little on the inside. As someone who is terrified of bath tubs and cannot even bathe my own kids because I can’t even fathom the idea of sitting on something where dirt and grime and other grossness SITS, I can’t imagine actually sitting in the shower. For one – dirty grout (and it’s always dirty, no matter how often or how well you clean it) and dirty feet are on that. Secondly, ew. Thirdly, I can’t.
He likes to irritate his friends
We are down with that. We appreciate people who like to irritate their friends and do things that make them cringe. Ryan Cabrera does not like to make his friends feel too good about life, so he wears mismatching socks every single day because he has a friend who cannot stand that. He’s a decade strong with this irritation and is still going strong.
He kissed a girl at 12
We all have that one first kiss that’s pretty memorable. Except when we don’t. I’m sitting here thinking about my first kiss, which I’m pretty sure was when I was in 7th grade – which would have made me 13 (my birthday falls in September and the birthday deadline for beginning kindergarten is the last day of August so I was always the oldest person in my class beginning kindergarten a few weeks before I turned 6). I don’t remember who it was with! Ryan Cabrera, however, remembers his quite well, and he wasn’t good at it. Were any of us?
He thought his dad was a barber
His entire childhood, Ryan Cabrera thought his father was a barber. Why? Because his dad did not want to take him to an actual barber every single time he needed his hair cut, so he did it himself. He says that looking back at childhood photos makes it pretty clear that the last thing his father could have actually been in life was a barber. He’s still scarred for life.
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