10 Things that Only Kim Kardashian Has to Worry About

kim kardashian

Being Kim Kardashian is hard work. I mean, she has to juggle half a dozen reality television shows, pregnancy, motherhood, her mother and about a million other things at any given moment. It’s stressful to be a rich, famous reality television star with no discernible talents and a lot of jobs. I don’t know her and while she seems perfectly nice, I just don’t understand her. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a woman and she deserves all the congratulations imaginable for creating the kind of life she wants and working hard to maintain that. No one can argue that she works hard to keep up with her lifestyle and her career, and she’s always busy making appearances and doing what needs doing. But with that said, Kim K.’s life is not all roses and sunshine. She’s got stressful situations just like the rest of us. Only instead of worrying about things like daycare and dental appointments, she’s worried about her stepfather stealing her stylists and other horrible life issues.

Caitlyn Jenner Looks better in her Clothes than Kim

The worst thing that could possibly happen to Kim Kardashian is the fact that her stepfather might look better in her clothes than she does. It’s a serious concern. And after seeing Caitlyn step out recently for a few LGBT community events in New York City, I’m inclined to agree with Kim’s worries. Caitlyn has legs for days, and she’s looking pretty good in those wrap dresses she seems to prefer. Kim bette watch her back (side).

Whether or not to Name her Son South West or Easton West

It’s a tough decision, but she definitely doesn’t want to look like she’s copying that other airline. I mean, she already got so much criticism from the press for naming her daughter North West and people thinking she did that after the former airline. If she names her new child South West, people might think she has a thing for a budget airline, but First Class isn’t really that high on her list of favorite names right now. There’s always Easton West, but that’s so common that she just can’t be bothered with it. Decisions, decisions.

Kanye West

There is no bigger worry in life than Kanye West. We’ve all seen him. We’ve all heard from him. We’ve all watched him steal microphones and dismiss award winners in favor of Beyonce. And let’s get something straight right now; Beyonce is entirely amazing and talented and beautiful, but I think that West needs to give up his personal advocacy for her and focus on things like not speaking in public and sharing the microphone with the people who actually, you know, won. Imagine living with him. On Mother’s Day, he probably gives Kim a card that says, “To the (2nd) best mother around; if it weren’t for Beyonce, you’d be the best mom in town.”

Her Maternity Clothes aren’t Tight Enough

When I was pregnant with my twins, my maternity clothes were too big because I had to size up to a medium to get things that were long enough to cover that double bump in an appropriate manner. For Kim, however, the smaller the better. She likes her clothes to hug her curves, and it’s a major worry that maternity clothes are so anti-tight.

Little Sis Kylie Might become More Famous

Kylie Jenner is a bona fide model with a real career and real talent. Kim is far more famous, but what happens if Kylie actually keeps getting jobs with her actual talent and that makes her more famous than Kim? It’s just not fair for Kim to have become famous only after an inappropriate video of her and an ex surfaced while Kylie just had to say she wanted to be a model with her high cheekbones and her long legs.

Her Hair Color isn’t the Right Shade of Kardashian Dark

Now that she’s gone blonde a few times, Kim is a little bit worried that perhaps her natural shade isn’t quite the right shade of Kardashian. I mean, no one else on earth has that shade of hair so perfect and so thick and so long. And what if she really messed it up for good after that last bleach job? We’ve all seen the living proof that Kardashians need to have dark hair or they don’t look quite right.

People Won’t Like Her Anymore

It’s a real struggle. She’s worried that she might do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing or wear the wrong thing and people will not love and adore her anymore like they do already. Well, we can’t please everyone, now can we? If she’s thinking about it like she should, she should be glad these people seem to hate her so much. It means they’re paying attention to her and making her more famous than she already was, and that’s a pretty big win.

Kris Jenner

Remember “Mean Girls” and Regina George’s mother played by the amazing and talented Amy Poehler? Does anyone else feel that maybe that’s what went wrong with Kris Jenner? She watched that movie and said, “Yes, that’s the kind of super cool mom I want to be?” and that’s how she formed Kris? I think maybe that might be closer to the truth that people believe. But you know, we shouldn’t have to worry about our moms getting knocked up by someone half our own age or the fact that we’re going to have to bail them out of jail for a DUI or that we’re going to have to hide the liquor when they come over for Christmas dinner at the tender age of 98. But somehow I feel this is something Kim K. worries about. After all, she’s the favorite.

Her Cheekbones aren’t High Enough

Based on the sheer amount of blush and bronzer she uses on her cheeks and cheekbones, this is a problem that keeps her up at night.

She’ll Lose Her Pregnancy Weight

Whereas the rest of us want nothing more than to lose our pregnancy weight, Kim K. doesn’t. She needs a few extra pounds to put some additional junk in her trunk. Sister Khloe might have an even better behind than Kim and that’s an issue.

Photo by Anthony Harvey/Getty Images

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